Heartwarming Tales: The Story of a Fundamentally Decent Nation

It is not often I quote Richard Littlejohn, but today it will help kick off the story of how Britain be­came a Fundamentally Decent Nation. That sens­itive and gentle man wrote this in a column in re­sponse to the earth­quake in Japan:

“Anyone who has vis­ited or worked in Japan will tell you it is like landing on an­other planet. Beyond the base­ball caps and Western clothes, the Japanese people have a dis­tinct cul­ture of their own, which is en­tirely alien to our own values. They are mil­it­antly ra­cist and in the past have been cap­able of great cruelty.”

This makes a couple of im­portant points about our Fundamental Decentness as Brits. Firstly, it very often in­volves going to other coun­tries and treating the in­hab­it­ants of those lands as an alien spe­cies. It’s a habit we ac­quired some time ago and, like crack co­caine and electing Old Etonians, we’ve found it to be moreish and dif­fi­cult to kick. The second im­portant point I think we can glean from this Littlejohn gem is that Britain has never been mil­itant, ra­cist or cap­able of cruelty. These are the habits of for­eigners. This is en­light­ening and will help clear up some of the prob­lems that his­tor­ians have had to face when re­con­ciling the Fundamental Decentness of the British Character with facts.

Since it was not us who in­vented con­cen­tra­tion camps in the Boer War, it must have been the result of in­filt­ra­tion by for­eign types. No doubt all those in­volved in plan­ning and ex­ecuting the use of con­cen­tra­tion camps were merely mas­quer­ading as Brits. I be­lieve the slaughter thou­sands of men at Omdurman using far su­perior weaponry must also have been due to for­eign in­filt­ra­tion. No doubt the bombing of the French navy at the be­gin­ning of WWII was not ordered by Churchill at all but by some for­eign im­poster looking like him. Likewise I’m sure it wasn’t really him who couldn’t be bothered to spare a few planes to des­troy Nazi gas chambers.

The British people have re­mained Fundamentally Decent through all these trials, even as for dec­ades and through mul­tiple changes of gov­ern­ment the British state ex­pended its full re­sources to fight and de­feat the power­less in­hab­it­ants of a small is­land. This just goes to show how deeply em­bedded the for­eign menace is in the British es­tab­lish­ment. And yet we, the British people, hero­ic­ally shrug it off. That is not us. We beat the Nazis. That’s us.

But I am sorry to say that the for­eign in­filt­rators are still among us, working away in our ranks, doing things that no Fundamentally Decent people like us could pos­sibly con­tem­plate. The British gov­ern­ment, suf­fering from this per­ni­cious for­eign in­flu­ence, re­cently ar­bit­rarily capped the number of refugees the country would take. This means that for­eign agents in our midst are right now sending people back to coun­tries – such as Iraq – where it is known that the people for­cibly re­turned will be tor­tured. Will this vile for­eign sab­otage never end? But at least it is not Brits put­ting the refugees onto the planes. It is im­possible to ima­gine people so Fundamentally Decent doing such a thing.

On the topic of Iraq, that war was a classic ex­ample of a for­eign plot to force us into a war with a country that posed us no threat. Certainly Britain and British people would never dream of en­ga­ging in wars of ag­gres­sion. Our Fundamental Decentness would pre­vent it. And the razing of Fallujah that killed 6000 people can def­in­itely be pinned on the Americans, whose army – this is well known though we are usu­ally too po­lite to tell them – has al­ways been Less Decent than ours. The fact that Britain played a sup­porting role in the mas­sacre – sorry, the re-​taking of Fallujah – can al­most cer­tainly be at­trib­uted to the creeping ef­fects of for­eigners in our midst.

We, Britain, be­came the Fundamentally Decent Nation we are today by not doing bad things. Definitely not. It wasn’t us. We would never be­have like those Japanese types, or like Germans, or like Serbs. We just don’t have it in us. And it is so sad to see what a bunch of for­eign in­filt­rators can do to make such a Fundamentally Decent Nation look so cruel.

In bed with the resistance

  1 comment for “Heartwarming Tales: The Story of a Fundamentally Decent Nation

  1. 31 August 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Concentration camps were in­vented in Cuba in 1896 by the Imperial Spanish,
    not in South Africa by the British in the second Anglo-​Boer War (1900);
    how­ever, the Spanish speak their own lan­guage and called their system
    “re­con­centrado policy”.

    It is per­fectly clear these camps were con­cen­tra­tion camps. They are
    de­scribed in de­tail in Clara Barton’s THE RED CROSS, which shows an
    ac­count of the Reconcentrados by US Senator Redfield Proctor.

    “Reconcentrado” was trans­lated into English by two British Liberals
    protesting about Kitchener’s use of con­cen­tra­tion camps near the end of
    the 2nd Anglo-​Boer War to give “con­cen­tra­tion camp”, hence the Boer War
    shows the first use of the English term “con­cen­tra­tion camp”, and this
    leads many to be­lieve that the British in­vented con­cen­tra­tion camps.

    The Nazis made a lot of this con­fu­sion and the German Propaganda
    Ministry re­leased some rather egre­gious pro­pa­ganda on the matter,
    such as OOM PAUL, a ha­gi­o­graphic film of the Boer leader, which fea­tured
    an actor who looked a bit like Churchill as a wicked Kommandant of a
    British con­cen­tra­tion camp bru­tal­ising sus­pi­ciously blonde Boer
    chil­dren (the Boers were not typ­ic­ally blonde).

    Today, of course, Goebbels’ pro­pa­ganda has turned legit, and you can
    read in most British news­pa­pers that the British in­vented con­cen­tra­tion
    camps. Meanwhile the Reconcentrados and the 100,000 Cuban ci­vil­ians who
    died in them have been forgotten.

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